Overeating: Your Parents’ Attitudes to Emotion

What were your parents’ attitudes towards emotions? Did they own and feel their emotions in a responsible manner?

To understand some of the reasons why we use food to avoid emotions, and to get a clue on what some of those emotions might be, we can look at our parents' feelings about emotions.

The beliefs, judgments and fears you have about emotions have a lot to do with your parents' beliefs, judgments and fears about emotions.

Most people had parents who were either quite shut down emotionally, or parents who were extremely emotional but in an unhealthy way that was selfish and self-centered.

Neither of these are the way to deal with emotions properly and both can set you up for using addictions to avoid feelings.

The parent who is shut down usually doesn't show much emotion at all, or at least not in an overt way.

They may use physical addictions themselves to avoid feelings, such as food, alcohol, working or something else.

Maybe they skipped over feelings, downplayed them, and wanted things to be swept under and kept under the rug. Feelings weren't discussed.

The parent who is extremely emotional but in an unhealthy way, might have weaponized their feelings in a way of dumping them on others or attacking people with their temper.

Or, they may have managed their feelings in a very narcissistic way, exhausting others with their endless fears, or taking over the entire home with their own sadness so there is no room left for your feelings when you were a child.

Neither of these are examples of what it looks like to healthfully work through painful emotions.

The first type of parent is obviously avoiding dealing with emotion, but the second type is just as much in avoidance.

Just because your parents might have seemed to be emotional does not mean they displayed what it looks like to feel through and release emotion in a healthy way.

Take some time to think about your parents and caretakers from your childhood.

What did they believe about emotions?

How did they respond to their own emotions?

How did they react when you expressed emotions, or how would they have reacted if you did?

How did you feel around them when they were emotionless or very emotional?

Photo by Zhen Hu via Unsplash