A Story: When I Snuck Candy and Got Abused

When I was around 5, I tried to sneak candy without my parents knowing.

I hid in the pantry in the dark with the door closed, and frantically stuffed Halloween candy corn into my mouth.

I tried to dash upstairs to my bedroom before being seen, so I made a break for it, still chewing the mass of candy in my mouth.

My dad intercepted me on the stairway. On seeing I was chewing something after I was told I couldn't have more dessert, he violently grabbed my jaw in his hands, forced me to open my mouth, shook my face and yelled at me.

I can't remember what he said, but I know that I felt terror that is still burned in me as a solid memory.

He wanted to ground me from having sweets for 6 months, even though I was only 5 years old. My mom talked him down, and as I recall, they grounded me for a month.

Parents often react to children's compulsive eating in very negative ways. Not all respond as negatively as my dad did, but it is common to do one of the following:

-Blame the child

-Control the child's food/impose a diet

-Enroll the child in a weight loss camp

-Criticize the child's eating or weight

These responses are inappropriate. The loving way for our parents to have responded would have been to understand that the only reason children overeat is because they feel they have to suppress emotions about how they are feeling, primarily to do with their home life.

My parents were controlling with food and I could only eat what and when they said I could. They justified this level of control through the common misconception that children will go wild if trusted with food, and as a way to exert power and control over me, something they acted out with many areas of my life.

They failed to see that there was a reason I was using food as emotional comfort, despite being so young.

These responses from parents towards a child's overeating have numerous negative effects long term as we grow up:

-We may feel we are untrustworthy around food and have poor willpower

-We may have anxiety around food

-We may rebel against the restriction and blame and binge on food or become overweight

-We may struggle to understand why we overeat

If you had a childhood with these dynamics, explore how it made you feel, and what long-term results it may be having on your current relationship with food.

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