Holidays And How I’m Estranged From Family
The holiday season brings up a lot of emotions about family for me, as it does for many who come from dysfunctional or abusive families.
I’ve been estranged from almost all of my family for over 4 years, and some of them, for many more years than that. For example, I haven’t seen my dad for the holidays for 8 years.
My holidays don’t involve family really at all. The few family members I am in touch with don’t live near me.
There is still loneliness and sadness about it that comes up around the holidays.
However, when I feel about if it’s worth it, the answer is an immediate and resounding YES.
Estrangement isn’t necessary for everyone, but for me, it has been the only option if I was to heal my binge eating and depression and head down a lighter road in life.
There have been countless benefits to my life by fully letting go of unhealthy family relationships, but in this post I’ll focus on healing overeating.
Yes, my holidays don’t involve big family gatherings; they’re a lot quieter than they used to be when I was in the family fold.
But I also live a life during the holidays — and all year — where binge eating never happens.
An extra cookie if I want to avoid my emotions on a certain day? Sometimes. But binge eating? Never.
I’ve never regained the weight I had on me when I was binge eating, and I’ve never gone back to that kind of eating since I healed those layers of the onion emotionally.
I miss my family, love them and wish that I could have relationships with them. But my emotional health and wellbeing and relationship with myself is not something I’m willing to compromise for them anymore.
I’m not willing to live a life of binge eating and depression in exchange for those relationships. Because no matter how much I tried to get around it, that was always, and would always be, the cost.
Sending love to anyone whose holidays don’t look like our society says they should. You are not a bad person for making decisions that are loving to yourself.
Just grieve as much as you can this holiday season; it’s a good opportunity to release some sadness by feeling it. You’ll find yourself eating less chocolate if you do.
Photo by Katie Sue Photography