My Overeating and Guilt About My Mother

I felt guilty at even the thought of questioning my relationship with my mother.

In the process of healing overeating, we have to examine everything, especially our childhoods and our relationship with our primary caregivers.

For most of my life, I thought that my "dad stuff" was the sole root of my issues. Dad left, mom stayed. Dad screwed us over, Mom saved the day. Dad was physically abusive and slammed doors and yelled and mom didn't. Dad was the devil, Mom was the angel.

I felt guilt and dread at any suggestion that there was anything to be looked at in my relationship with my mother. I didn't want to go there, I didn't want to think about it.

But eventually, I'd done a lot of work on "dad stuff" and a good chunk of my binge eating had healed. But the issues weren't solved yet; it seems I was stuck.

Very, very slowly, and very, very reluctantly, I started to examine my relationship with my mother.

Just because she was the parent who stayed, it didn't mean that there were no issues there with her. Even though she didn't yell and hit me, it turned out there were more "subtle" problems there in my relationship with my mom.

Over the years I have discovered that indeed, my "mom stuff" contributed to my overeating issues just as much as my "dad stuff".

But years ago, I would never have wanted to accept that, because I felt so damn guilty. I also had a feeling like, "I've already gone through the pain of realizing my relationship with one of my parents was unhealthy, I can't cope with knowing both of those relationships were. I need one to remain intact."

And yet, while it has been a heartbreak of my life, questioning my relationship with my mom has indeed given me so much more clarity and has been the other half of the equation with healing my binge eating.

Chances are, you also feel guilty in looking at your relationship with one or more of your childhood primary caregivers. But I promise, the truth will set you free!

Photo by Aubrey Odom